Goals and dreams are good, great even, but when you have so much focus on them you forget to live today. Well it seems I do.
My husband, who never has a cross word for me pointed out that just lately I seem to be wishing my life away by willing the next two years to go as quickly as possible. He’s right.
I spend my time thinking about the future and forgetting about today.
Why?
What is causing this?
Is my mad focus on goal planning causing this?
Do you live in the now?
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Oooh great post! Something I really struggle with, the trade-off between dreaming for the future/looking ahead and not letting life pass you buy/living in the now. I’m better at it than I used to be, I find gratitude lists and love lists (gratituesday/things I love thursday posts on blogger, thousands of scraps of paper, my pen&paper journal) really help keep you present. I try to do it when I go to bed, rapid-fire list five things I’m grateful for *in this moment* even if it’s been a crappy day I can at least count my blessings for a full tummy and roof over my head.
xx
I will come back and check the comments, though, I’d love to know how other people combat futureitis
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I sympathise with your position. It is very difficult to live in the now when the now is completely at odds with how you want to be living. I know I’ve been there, its so hard. I used to think that my husband was too laid back about our plans and I was too impatient! I just try to keep busy, but the discontentment tends to take over
Is there any chance you can bring things forward at all?
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I definitely relate to this. I want to save as much money as possible so that I can do some great things in the future but sometimes I wonder if I should be spending some of it now. I don’t really allow myself proper holidays to unwind etc because I’m obsessed with saving that money for the future. I view some purchases as a waste of money even though I know that they’d probably enrich me more in the long term. I’m very conflicted.
It’ll probably always be that way.
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Laura, I understand your situation only too well. Dreamer summed it up really well for me – if the life you have now, and the life you want, are at odds that can lead to some pain, and a shifting of focus onto the future rather than the here and now. That may not be your situation but it’s one I’m familiar with (thanks for clarifying that for me Dreamer). I’m in that position exactly where on the one hand I’m mentally and financially “good to go”, but certain family issues must be resolved first. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to be kicking my heels for a couple of years. That does lead to mental conflict.
The way I’m dealing with it is by creating various sub-goals – kind of mini-adventures if you will, which I enjoy planning for and completing: climbing Snowdon, 60km challenge walk, trip to Philippines, etc. I see these as steps along the way, but not my ultimate goal (retirement/freedom).
Perhaps you need to set yourself a couple of stiff challenges to keep you anchored in the here and now – rather than focused on the future? I’m not sure. Maybe you have plenty of challenges already, but you are impatient to live your dream. I totally sympathize. This isn’t an easy one to resolve. Like Rachel above I’m really interested to see what others come up with on this one.
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I am so impressed by everyone’s efforts to be prudent and save so much money. Personally, I am terrible at this. For me, it’s like dieting. The more I diet/save, the more it makes me want to eat/spend. Terrible!
I love Laura’s ideas of mini goals. That does help keep the focus in the present. Also, I’ve personally found that simple, physical things are very grounding and satisfying: cooking, cleaning, pulling weeds, doing my chores. For some reason, caring for things (and myself) in the present helps keep me in the present.
However, I still need help with future savings. Thanks so much for sharing all of your experiences and ideas here. I’m trying to learn from all of you as I go!
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Laura, I know how you feel and I used to be this way too. One thing I’ve realized over the years is that the future is never as golden as it seems it will be and the present doesn’t have to be as dismal as we sometimes make it. It leads you into that mindset of “I’ll be happy when _____ happens” – which is no way to live.
I think, as others have said, it’s when we see the contrast between where we are and where we want to be that we get discouraged. I’ve found that bringing in a bit of what I think will be wonderful in that new life into my life right now, I can make the present much funner and enjoy the journey a lot more. I’m not a fan of Eckhart Tolle, but maybe checking out one of his books – “Living in the Now” (from the library of course) – might be helpful? Others with this issue seem to have enjoyed it anyway.
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Oops, sorry – the title of the Tolle book is The Power of Now.
For something a lot less new-agey, maybe check out Richard Carlson’s “You Can be Happy No Matter What.” He’s got some common sense stuff in there on time perspective and the “I’ll be happy when …..” habit of thinking.
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Wow, I’m overwhelmed by the response to this post; thank you so much for all your suggestions, thoughts, book suggestions; this ‘issue’ is something I really need to work on and it really helps to hear what you all think
@dreamer like Tony I have family stuff that I need to sort before we go
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I wish away my life more than I should too. Instead of living in the now, I live in the one year from now – when college will be over and I can focus on debt repayment and savings. I keep telling myself that after college I’ll live in the now. Let’s hope that’s so.
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Hi Laura
It must be difficult not to have your mind on the future with a goal as big as yours. I find I have a similar problem in that I am always so busy thinking of what has to be done next that I don’t ‘enjoy the moment’.
Thank you for your comment on my Simple Mindedness post. It’s difficult to know what the solution is to your son’s use of carrier bags. A girl can always carry a pretty shopper. Maybe he could take one of the bags he brings home when he goes out and reuse it over and over.
Teresa x
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Well it’s that old saying isn’t it: life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.
Think it happens to all of us!
x
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I have the same “issue”/ inner conflict. I think it comes from the anxiety thoughts and focusing on what I don´t have.
Big goals take time, it´s what I keep saying to myself when I think about the discrepancy between the way I live and the way I´d like to live.
I also agree achieving smaller goals (ex: entertainment, travel, hobbies) can feed motivation for the bigger ones.
My concept of happiness includes the small every day pleasures and I enjoy thinking that way.
xx Mizé
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Hi Laura,
I agree with Dreamer, but instead of ‘keeping busy’ I keep feeling how it would feel when I am already living a self sustainable lifestyle in the north..surrounded by a permaculture food forest & like minded neighbors.
Of course I take on the task at hand..which is being in the NOW with my 2 little ones & expecting my dream to be ”just around the corner” all the while noticing events that point me in that direction..
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