I’m not a calm person, never have been. But I’ve noticed, and so have others, that over time, living a simple, uncluttered life has changed my personality and I’ve become much calmer.
Achieving calm in your life is not always easy. With your finances you may need to pay off debt and save an emergency fund. In your home you may need to de-clutter and streamline for months. In your relationships you may reassess how you allocate your time. But if you do all this, bit by bit, day by day, you can achieve it.
Let me know, are you a naturally calm person?
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Have certainly become a lot calmer in recent years. Gaining control of my finances and other aspects of life have helped, but maybe I’ve become more mellow with age!?
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Laura Reply:
March 16th, 2011 at 5:36 pm
@ Tony….perhaps! Mine comes from having control over money and the ability to realise [now] that things are never really that bad…perhaps that is age related?
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By the way, your site seems to be on a go slow today – at least for me!
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I have to work to be calm, it does not come naturally to me. I don’t know if it is age or practice, but it seems to be getting easier.
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Laura Reply:
March 16th, 2011 at 5:38 pm
@Niki I think when you feel in control of your life [as much as we ever can] then the calm comes with it; knowing where you’re going helps
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I can relate completely!
When you declutter your life, it seems to bring a sense of calm.
Most of the time I’m able to stay calm and think things through logically, but since moving into a caravan I’ve noticed that if it gets messy and I don’t keep it tidy my brain gets on edge.
When ever I look around the van I see things that should be tidied up and my brain goes into over drive “dag nammit that shouldn’t be there, I’m such a messy person” or “what if someone pays me a visit they’ll see how lazy and untidy I am” … when in both cases I’m not lazy or a messy person.
This then starts to make me on edge and I get frustrated and angry at silly things – the laptop not doing what I want it to, something said on the radio that is really irrelevant all start to really get on my nerves — and it’s all because of a bit of clutter.
Having realised this recently I am now able to either ignore these little voices in my head and remain calm, or like I have recently I make a habit of not allowing the van to get messy in the first place!
I think with other situations it’s a matter of confidence – if your a naturally confident person then you are generally a calmer person too, although everyone is different I think confidence makes a big difference to your inner calmness.
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Laura Reply:
March 16th, 2011 at 6:03 pm
@Mike you make a good point about not allowing things that you know make you lose your calm, happen in the first place!
Losing my calm over silly things like the house being in a mess, was something that I used to do when I was working all the time..perhaps it was a stress release.
I hadn’t really though about the confidence aspect. I was extremely confident in my workplace because I knew the environment…not so much anywhere else…food for thought!
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De-cluttering feels great always. To me, simplification = calming. The more bills I automate, the less stuff I have to store/clean/organize, the fewer things I’m involved in (this is the tough one), the more relaxed I am.
The tough part is that when I edit too much out, I become kind of bored and lethargic, so it’s really a delicate balance between stressed and bored.
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Laura Reply:
March 16th, 2011 at 5:39 pm
@First Gen American You’re doing really well, I don’t think that there was ever a time I felt calm when I was working ft and raising small children, lol!
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I’m not a naturally calm person; it’s something I have to work at and I try to keep not just my stuff but my life as “minimal” as possible. I am getting better at saying no, at getting rid of stuff so that there’s no so much to pick up and clean, the budget is in much better shape than it was a year ago and so forth. But it’s still a work in progress.
Sometimes things get out of hand anyway – like right now, for example with the situation in Japan with our son and D-I-L there expecting a baby any day, an upcoming hearing at which I have to testify and the upcoming school fundraiser (I’m in charge of procurement for the auction). I’m glad for all the other minimalizing I’ve done in my life as it helps me keep this other stuff from becoming overwhelming.
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Laura Reply:
March 16th, 2011 at 5:45 pm
@Laura|You have such a lot going on Laura, you’re doing well to have any semblance of calm.
It is about baby steps and taking each day/year bit by bit. As long as you’re making some progress, which you are, then eventually you’ll get there.
I was thinking about your son and daughter in law, I hope that they’re safe x
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Can I be both calm and stressed at the same time? I guess what I mean is that I handle stress in a calm way. The only stress I have is work-related and I try to handle things in a calm and rational manner even when all hell is breaking loose around me.
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Laura Reply:
March 16th, 2011 at 9:19 pm
Possibly! Do you leave your work stress at work Jane, I never could
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I’m lucky that I have a couple of friends that wig out over the littlest things. They’re my age, so it’s not so much about age I guess. Anyway, counseling them has helped me put a lot into perspective.
What does this have to do with anything? That I’ve resolved that no matter what happens, I will make the best of the situation and do what I can to gently steer things to where I want them to go. But I won’t go around trying to force things anymore, not out of any metaphysical woo-woo but because I don’t want to cause myself that much stress anymore.
Although I read an article recently saying that conscientiousness was the key to longevity and serenity, I have found that to not be true for me. I used to be a VERY conscientious person and still am I suppose. Quite happy to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. Realizing that so few of those things that I thought were SOOOO important really mattered very little in the big scheme of things has been a big help.
A couple of days ago, my computer did that “will not turn off” thing – and I’ve only had it for 6 months. And the battery on my blackberry drains super fast now. I was PO’d for an hour or so and had to consciously remind myself that this could be a gift of an internet sabbatical.
I think the external things like finances, purging stuff, etc. have contributed to this to some extent, but some people are capable of serenity without needing things like that as well. But it does have a lot to do with the fact that I think I’m on the right path of moderation.
Having said all that, I still want to be one of those people who laughs a lot and loud, who gets angry and lets it go, who cries at movies and feels passionate about some things, but not everything. So no, I don’t want to be totally calm.
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Laura Reply:
March 16th, 2011 at 9:40 pm
@ Jacq| yes to getting passionate about some things, which I think you can do and still remain a calm person.
Being so conscientious at work was the cause of a lot of my work stress; I had to do everything really well and that makes getting throughan already long day, very hard. Letting that go has changed me…for the better!
Great comment, lots to think about.
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I am SO not a calm person. My mind goes 100 miles an hour all the time. I am learning to calm myself through prayer, meditation and yoga.
Bernice
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Laura Reply:
March 16th, 2011 at 9:27 pm
@Bernice| I wasn’t either Bernice. My mind would never switch off!
I’m glad that you’re finding a way to achieve calm
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It’s funny when you say you aren’t calm, because your blog is so calming.
I’ve always been known for being outwardly calm, and definitely calm in the face of danger or trauma. But inwardly, my brain does not feel calm. I’m always worried that it comes out in my writing and my blog projects me as a big stress mess. Either way, know that I look to you as an example of a peaceful and delightful blog (and person – no matter how you say you are in real life
).
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Laura Reply:
March 17th, 2011 at 9:04 am
Lindy Thank you, thank you!!
It’s strange but blogging calms me. When I was stressed out with work, this little spot was a place for me to relax and forget all the stuff going on in my day to day life….which is probably the same for a lot of bloggers.
PS. You don’t come across as stressed to me..you’re funny….your posts me me smile
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I think I naturally am a calm person; however, there are some days that I feel it’s all ‘a facade.’ Someone once compared me to the duck metaphor:I appear calm and serene on the surface, but I’m paddling like hell beneath the water.
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Laura Reply:
March 18th, 2011 at 2:16 pm
I know that ‘paddling’ feeling Karen!
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Not even REMOTELY calm. Always anxious or worried or just…GOING. I wish to be calm, though.
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Laura Reply:
March 18th, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Hi Tawnya…..hopefully you find your ‘calm’
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I think I’m pretty calm, perhaps to calm for my own good sometimes because often there is a storm raging within. I worry a lot if my future is in the hands of others.
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Laura Reply:
March 18th, 2011 at 2:20 pm
@Rob, it’s probably good to let the storm out occasionally
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